a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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