can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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