I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
