Small penises have feelings too.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
