I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Green mimosas i think yes
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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