In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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