i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
