i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
