I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
