I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
