i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
