sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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