It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
