So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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