"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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