i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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