I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
