she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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