Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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