I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
