I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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