I accidentally had phone sex last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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