you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
