Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
