dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
