I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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