she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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