You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
