I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
