I think i peed on brittanys purse
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
