I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone came in the potted fern
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
