Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
