Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
