I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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