Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
