Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
