So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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