After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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