We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
