I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
