Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
