In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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