I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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