i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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