Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
wow bdsm is so cute
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
