And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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