her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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