for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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