haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
