Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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