so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
