Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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