My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Even my vagina gasped.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
