It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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