and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
